6 Heroes Who Changed My Life By Investing In It

Outside of my own family, God’s provided an amazing list of mentors, heroes, role models, and second dads to help me through life over the last 3 decades.  These guys invested a great deal of their time, words, love and wisdom in me through personal relationship when they didn’t have to.  Here’s the list of 6 of the most influential mentors I’ve had outside of family, and some of the things they taught me:

RON HABERMAS

Takeaway: In moments of celebration, devastation, and desperation, Jesus is enough.  And…. a close friend speaking His words and extending His hands is like water on a dry sponge.

Ron is a second dad of the first order.  After one youth ministry class with him at John Brown University, he became my discipler and friend.  He made me a priority and opened his heart as well as his brilliant mind to me.

Important thing he taught me: The humanity of Jesus is really a great deal of Ron’s life-work.  Experiencing a little bit of “heaven now” is something Ron longs for and is quick to make note of when we’re experiencing it.  Desiring to be led by the Spirit, Ron keeps a note pad and pen in his pocket to jot down thoughts when the Lord reveals something to him.

Huge lesson learned: Jesus is closer than our breath.  Breathe deeply.

A moment I still remember: Years after graduating from college, I still remember calling him when my dad passed away suddenly.  Ron flew out immediately.  I still remember getting married and having Ron as one of my groomsmen.  I still remember the birth of my first son and Ron flew out to celebrate.  I still remember the loss of my grandfather.  Guess who flew out to be by our side?

Net result: Sometimes you need Jesus with skin.

EDDIE PASSMORE

Takeaway: Pour out your life as a drink offering to other people and God will sustain you.

Eddie was my youth pastor in high school.  He overwhelmingly loved me to Christ.  He let me loose to do ministry almost immediately.  He performed my wedding.  He did my dad’s funeral.  He paved my way.

Important thing he taught me:  He loved people with every ounce of his being – kids and adults alike.  But he also learned to listen more to God’s voice than man’s voice.  It showed in his ministry then and in his missionary work now.

Huge lesson learned: When it comes to doing ministry, you must have a soft-heart, but a hard hide.

A moment I still remember: He’d picked me up to run errands with him just so we could spend time together.  I was wrestling with some difficult inner thoughts and, because he’d proven himself safe and trustworthy and loving, I opened up.  For 20 minutes straight, he put his hand on my shoulder and repeated, “I love you, Ron.  You’re not damaged goods.”  Over and over again.

Net result: I heard Jesus voice louder than his.

JAY LENO

Takeaway: No matter how big or influential you get from stage, the most powerful things you may ever do are off-stage, in relationship.

The brand new host of The Tonight Show, for whatever crazy reason, reached out to me as a teenage aspiring comedy writer in 1992.  He asked to read some of my stuff, gave me a little contract to submit material independently, and spent the next 6 years giving me comedy, performing, and life direction in just a handful of chit-chats.  He taught me about leading with my chin.

Important thing he taught me: He told me to do some hard study on comedians I admired and could relate to.  He said when I started to perform I would sound a lot like them, but then eventually I’d find my own voice the more comfortable I got.

Huge lesson learned: Somebody who believes in you makes you more comfortable, more ready to study your craft, and more able to find your own voice.

A moment I still remember: As a freshman at UCSB, I got a phone call in my dorm room from Jay saying he had my stuff and was taking it home right then to read it.  It became the first of several calls that changed my perspective on my future.  I still remember listening to him tell me to work hard and never give up on my dreams, after telling me he’d actually lived in his car for extended seasons as a young comic committed to making his dream reality.

Net result: It made me work harder.

PHIL PAYNE

Takeaway: Allowing people to become dependent on God and His Word is better than allowing them to become dependent on you.

Phil became my youth pastor at the end of my senior year of high school.  I was on my way out, but he wasn’t going to let me go.  He was a top shelf leader AND communicator… and yet, somehow, he also managed to be a phenomenal family man.  Interning under him for the next several summers, I learned more is caught than taught.

Important thing he taught me: Other than telling me we should always be living in view of eternity, Phil was quick to remind me that only God’s Word and God’s people really matter.

Huge lesson learned: My life and my ministry should focus on things that last because the rest is going to disappear.

A moment I still remember: I was sitting on a fence overlooking Hume Lake, pretty sure that God was calling me into full time ministry.  Feeling inadequate about it, Phil sat down next to me and gave me tons of encouragement, tons of direction, and one simple call from John 15 – make sure I abide in Christ and he’ll take care of the rest.

Net result: I settled more into who Jesus was than who I needed to be.

KEN DAVIS

Takeaway: I’m not okay, you’re not okay, but that’s okay.

I definitely laughed so hard I peed a little when I watched Ken’s comedy show A Twisted Mind in high school.  After meeting years later, we had the chance to do some writing together and a whole lot of laughing together.  He’s responsible for teaching me how to speak to youth and keep them awake at the same time.

Important thing he taught me: He’d just spoken in chapel at my university.  I got to meet him afterward and he asked if I wanted to get a coke sometime later in the week.  I did.  Weeks later he called (using a fake accent) and asked how I was doing.  He kept that up.

Huge lesson learned:  Who you are on stage is as valuable as who you are off-stage.  What you say is important.  How you live is more important.

A moment I still remember: Ken was performing in San Diego for National Youth Worker’s Convention.  He got me a hotel room where he was staying and invited me down to spend the weekend writing and brainstorming together.  Just he and I.

Net result: I discovered discipleship happens in a variety of ways.

AL DOLCH

Takeaway: Just being there is enough.

Al was the dad of one of my best friend’s growing up.  He filled a gap in a crucial life-season throughout my elementary years.  He is responsible for my love of Mountain Dew, and also gave me the nickname “Donut Hole.”

Important thing he taught me: Whenever we’d be riding in the car listening to the radio, we’d start with Al’s music.  In order for him to change the station, we had to guess the name of the song and the artist singing it.  Cool thing was, in order for him to change the station off of our music and back to his, he had to guess the title and artist of our stuff.

Huge lesson learned: Respect for each other’s music is good, but respect for EACH OTHER is what counts.

A moment I still remember: One summer, they took me on a camping trip.  While Al and his wife were away, his son and I accidentally ripped a hole in the screen door of their tent trailer.  We got in trouble, but Al held me close in the aftermath, knowing I felt badly.

Net result: One of the first times I found out I could be honest, get in trouble, and still be loved.

4 Phrases EVERYONE Needs To Hear

Our words are our most powerful weapon at our disposal – everyday.  We’ve all been on the receiving end of words that cut us to our core – and benefited from words of encouragement too.  There’s no comparison.  The Bible has a lot to say about our words and the power of our tongue.  I love Paul’s encouragement in Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Build up with our words – or tear down.  I’m convinced beyond complimenting people on their looks or their talents that there are at least 4 really good phrases that speak life into people:

“I’M SORRY.” – Those words have humility written all over them.  After having done someone wrong, there’s no simpler more powerful way to build someone up and restore a relationship than with these words admitting fault.

“I FORGIVE YOU.” – Those words have Jesus written all over them!  I’m not sure we’re ever more Christ-like than when we’re saying words of forgiveness to others – whether they deserve it or not, whether they receive it or not.

“I BELIEVE IN YOU.” – Those words speak something precious into someone’s future.  They say you see more about what they could be in the future than what they have been in the past.  They say you see God’s fingerprint in the hope of their tomorrow more than what everyone else says about them today.

“I LOVE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT.” – Those words, both pre and post comma, are crucial.  Everyone needs to hear that they are loved, not just have to guess at it.  But the “no matter what” is what’s really different about the phrase.  We’re used to love being conditional upon our performance or value, but “no matter what” communicates the unconditional – it  communicates the words of the heartbeat of Jesus.

We’d do well to pass any, if not all of these on, to family and friends as often as possible.

YOU ALONE: 5 Thoughts On The Gift of Singleness

1 Corinthians 7:7; 8-9; 17-28; 29-31; 32-35; 36-40

• BEING MARRIED IS A HUGE GIFT, BUT BEING SINGLE IS A GIFT AS WELL. (You may have one gift now, and get the other gift later.)
• SINGLE PEOPLE SHOULD REMEMBER, “WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE ALL THERE.” (Appreciate the gift while you’ve got it.)
• SINGLE PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SHALLOW ROOTS IN A FADING WORLD. (Make the most of this unique opportunity.  You want always be this free.)
• SINGLE PEOPLE HAVE A SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY TO PLEASE GOD WITH LESS DISTRACTIONS. (Your focus can be singular in ministry while you’re single.)
• IF YOU’RE WALKING IN THE POWER OF THE SPIRIT, YOU’VE GOT THE FREEDOM TO DO WHAT YOU WANT. (To marry or not to marry?  You choose.  They’ve both got huge blessings!)

Because these notes are only the tip of the iceberg, you can click here for the full audio from the message: You Alone

7 Qualities Your EX May NOT Have Had, But That Your Spouse MUST Have

From part 2 of our Summer of Love series at Chapter 3 - 

Go read Matthew 5 first.  All of it.  Then zero in on the first handful of the beatitudes in verses 1-9.  Not only do these qualities (and the rest in Jesus’ sermon here) set the benchmark for Christ-followers, but they also make a heck of a list of qualities you’d be wise to seek out in your future spouse.  And just as important, if not moreso, you should start with being & developing these things in yourself first before you get too serious about looking for these things in others.  With that said, here’s your 7 qualities to both BE and then LOOK FOR:

1. DEPENDENT ON HIM: Look for humble people who are totally dependent on God for their strength, not prideful people who operate independent of God. (5:3)

2. REPENTANT: Look for repentant people who are grieved by their own sin, not hard-hearted people who are calloused to disobeying God. (5:4)

3. HUMBLE: Look for submissive people who put their strength under God’s authority, not arrogant people who won’t submit to anyone. (5:5)

4. GROWTH-MINDED: Look for growth-minded people who aren’t satisfied with anything short of holiness, not stagnant people who settle for mediocrity. (5:6)

5. MERCIFUL: Look for soft-hearted people who are quick to forgive and quick to say sorry, not hard-hearted people who always want to get revenge. (5:7)

6. HONEST: Look for pure-hearted people who value honesty and integrity, not dirty-hearted people who love filthy words and filthy things. (5:8)

7. PEACEABLE: Look for peaceful people who seek to resolve conflict, not combatant people who seek to start conflicts. (5:9)

3 HUGE Things I Learned From Saddleback HSM

After spending the weekend at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA., speaking for the high school ministry, I walked away more encouraged than I can describe.  All the leaders – adult and student – in HSM and Wildside are the real deal.  Out of the hundreds of things I could have listed that had huge impact on me this weekend (like their epic youth facility, The Refinery), here’s what made my top 3:

• Nice is Always Nice.  No matter how big you are or powerful an influence your ministry has had, you can always be down to earth.  Each leader – paid or unpaid – was so welcoming, kind, approachable and self-depricating.  Refreshing to see from a group of people who are a part of one of the most significant youth ministries in the world.
• You Can’t Fake Joy.  These guys were some of the happiest, fun-loving, full-of-smiles guys I’ve seen in ministry in a long time.  I know their workload has to be tremendous and challenges daunting, but the love they had for the Lord and each other was overflowing to students, leaders… and me.  Interpersonally AND from stage.
• High Program Quality AND High Student Involvement CAN Coexist.  From start to finish, the program was one of the best I’d seen when it came to care, flow, creativity, clarity, fun, worshipfulness, and warmth.  Amazing weekend.  What was more encouraging was the HUGE number of students who were running the whole program!  And not just once!  The same student crew was there servant-leading for ALL FOUR SERVICES this weekend.  From greeters to tech to music, I saw students involved everwhere.  Ownership is everything.

Special thanks to Josh Griffin, Kurt Johnston and Phil Chenery for the window into “what could be.”

Life Lessons From Pop

Today would’ve been Pop’s 83rd birthday.  I miss him everyday so far.  In honor and celebration of a life well-lived, here’s a short look at some of my favorite lessons, that are so much deeper than face value, that I learned from watching my hero – my grandfather – my Pop:

• When in public, walk next to or beside your girl.  If you’re behind her, you can’t see her to protect her.
• Any music is good music as long as it’s Sinatra.
• Sometimes you just gotta punch somebody – but when you do, make sure you put your thumb on the outside of your fist.
• Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down.
• You always gotta have a little cash in your pocket.
• Just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean your fashion should be lame. Stay current & classy in attire.
• A pat on the back from your pastor and him remembering your name is almost better than a good sermon.
• Bodysurf every chance you get.  And if you get stuck in a riptide, don’t fight against it.  Instead, swim parallel to shore and then swim in.

Tea With McNair and Monkeys

I’m so glad I’m not a monkey.  My friends would be so boring.  And irritating.  Especially, if they get flinging.

My friends are amazing.  They do what monkeys can’t.  They create.

I’ve got friends that are writing music, making beats, creating ministries, taking photographs, styling hair, making films, doing poetry readings, punk rocking, fashioning clothes, starting businesses, lighting stage environments, building sets, acting, singing, drawing, designing, architecting, orchestrating, and writing novels and articles and devotional books.

Check out an old friend and huge creative/spiritual influencer on my life, McNair Wilson (his Tea With McNair blog is priceless!).  McNair recently wrote about us and monkeys:

“While you and I will most certainly become frustrated while making a simple sketch with pencil, brush, guitar or keyboard, the monkey will pick, peel, and masticate thinking only of whence cometh her next banana.

We were given (nay, created with) a particularly expansive tool box—filled with gifts, and dreams, and a few extra genes. We are—each of us—magical and unique to the animal world.

Let us enjoy our ape, deer, dog, puppy, guppy, and winged neighbors. Let us protect them as we can. But we must create, invent, dream. Creativity is in the human DNA. It is who we were made to be.”

For a healthy injection of creativity and inspiration… go grab some Tea With McNair.  And make sure you grab some with your Creator too.

Check Out Artist/Designer/Photographer/Friend NICK DONNER

He was one of the most solid volunteer leaders I’ve had work with me in youth ministry.

He was my roommate before I was married.

He is a phenomenal musician – artist – designer – photographer.

He is an amazing cook.

He has nice hair.

And he just might be one of the best examples of Jesus that I’ve had on a peer level.

His name is Nick Donner.  And if you want to be inspired… or need some design/photography work done for you, I recommend him sooooo highly!

CHECK HIM AND HIS WORK OUT, FOR STARTERS, AT http://nicholasdonner.blogspot.com/ .

Thanks, Nick, for your friendship.  Thanks for the driving me down to my mom’s the day I lost my dad.  Thanks for your work… All of that is inspirational!

Pray For a Family I’m Growing to Love

If you trust me and want to help financially or otherwise with a family that God has placed in my life and on my heart, please email me!  ronaldamerrell@gmail.com.  Thanks!

Ryan Axtell is a Must-Listen

I had the privilege of working with Ryan at Cornerstone in Chandler, AZ.  He’s a first class musician, song writer, worship leader, ministry leader, Christ follower, and friend.  Seriously.  This new album of his comes from an incredibly difficult roller coaster of a year – and we’re all better for it.  Go check him and his stuff out at http://ryanaxtell.com.