Melancholy

‘m finding I’m rarely satisfied. I’m one of those “grass is always greener” sort of guys. It seems like I’m content for like 20 minutes and then… not so much. What’s the deal with me? Paul writes about his finding contentment in all circumstances – rich, poor, hungry, well-fed – in Philippians 4. Where did he find this?! Was this a lifelong quest of his?

Maybe at 33 I’m too young to have discovered this secret. And yet, I desire it deep within my soul. Right now though, there seems to be too many upward possibilities. Too many options. Too many over theres and around the corners. Too many other people who seem to have discovered the secret.

It’s not that I never, ever find satisfaction or contentment. I find it in my wife. I find it in my two boys. I find it in the sweet spot of my ministry. And then it’s gone. Little birdies come down and snatch it up and take it away. What do these fricken birdies do with my contentment??!!?? They must have quite a nest.

Somewhere in here is the tension of what it means to be a Christian. Stoked and satisfied beyond belief because there is a God who resides in me, cares for me, saves me, befriends me. And then simultaneously, not home yet, not getting the full picture of him yet, still trapped under this sky.

You feel me?

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